And many thanks to Garrison Keillor's The Writer's Almanacfor reminding me. Mother is terrible at remembering birthdays! The Lincoln Highway is 98 years old today, if you can go by the dedication date (October 31, 1913), and I don't know why you couldn't. Did you know that the Lincoln Highway was the first transcontinental highway in the United States, running from Times Square in New York City to Lincoln Park in San Francisco? I did at one time but had totally forgotten until Garrison's timely reminder in my emailbox this morning, bless his little pointed head. It was also the first national memorial to Abraham Lincoln, and the first occasion for hitting up the Congress for highway construction funds. What a fine tradition! So Happy Birthday to the Lincoln Highway! And Happy Halloween to you!!
Oh boy! It's not every day that history is made right outside your combination laundry room/office window. Or mine either! That's why I was so excited to find this monumental event reported on YouTube, because I don't think I could have done it justice without video support. Many thanks to Lorie Seadale, The Orleans County Fair, The Guinness Book of World Records, Steve Glazier, CNN, zaqura1001, Doug Leland and all the nice Cadillac people who made it happen by joining the parade! And let's not forget all the folks in the enthusiastic crowd, standing by in the hot sun with plenty of appreciation and cheery waves.
Why hold such a big event in little Barton, VT? You will probably not be surprised to learn that it's not because Mother lives here, but because Henry Leland, the creator of Cadillac did. Here's Mr. Leland himself, portrayed by one of his younger relatives, to explain...
Too bad Springsteen didn't show up, but it was a great day for Cadillac and Barton anyway! Hurray!!
And just for this one special ceremonial occasion, Mother won't fuss about seat belts.
I know, I know, I promised you more laughs in 2011. And where are they? Good question!
How did I know that Keith Olbermann, my ace driving humor resource was going to quit MSNBC? Sure, many of you may think of him as a crazy smarty-pants liberal nut,
but I remember good old Countdown with Keith Olbermann fondly as a rich and generous source of silly driving
videos. So naturally I was thrilled to learn that he was returning to TV in June, and delighted to see that the goofy video segment of the program returned with him, although I am a tiny bit disappointed that Current TV doesn't have MSNBC's fancy and flexible embed code that made it possible to cut out just the best parts to share with you, which means that we're stuck watching the whole segment on YouTube instead. On the bright side though, Keith always begins with an interesting trivia treat. Would you like to see an example? Here you go...
Lest you think I totally gave up on laughter while Keith was away, I'll also include a few samples of alternatives that I found and left open in my tabs all summer but until now was too lazy to post. Sorry!
Here's an amusing cartoon that most of us can relate to in one way or another, courtesy of my friend Marcia and the fine monthly humor newspaper Funny Times (always good for a laugh!)...
Another Funny Times contribution to auto hilarity comes from Dave Barry, and it's easier to read from his blog, so let's go there next...
Yes, I know it's ancient, but it's still funny, isn't it? And more or less just as true as it was in 2004? Well then, if Funny Times can make us laugh by going back in time, Mother can too! And is grateful for the excuse to do it! Thank you Funny Times and Dave Barry! And Marcia!
I'm going to go close those tabs now. You all have a nice day :-)
And thanks for stopping by.
Mother's belated (but shouldn't be) Back to School safety message
And why shouldn't it? Because school ought not to start before Labor Day. That's why. Any questions? Good, let's move on, beginning with the classics, like behaving prudently around school buses and in school zones and watching out for the kiddos wherever they are. Do NOT hit them! Ever!! If you could use a refresher, check out this list of Back to School Safety tips that was kindly published by the nice folks at AARP.
Are you wondering what back to school safety message would be complete without harping at least a little about NOT texting while driving? NOT this one! And since some other nice folks at BMW have kindly published a charming little video that makes the point much more beautifully than Mother ever could on her limited budget, she will gratefully take advantage of their generosity instead of making her own. Thanks, BMW!
For a nice change of pace, we're picking on the parents here instead of the teens, so as to be crystal clear that NOBODY of any age should be texting while driving. Period. Got it?
Let's finish up with a little driving-to-school safety quiz from Riders on the Road, shall we? Are you ready?
Here's an exercise in practical arrangement of your driving activities. See if you can find the flaw in the following morning routine:
1)Buckle the kids into their seats securely
2)Start the minivan
3)Pull out in front of a nice lady in a red Subaru
4)Wander along in slow motion, crossing the double yellow lines to and fro every now and then
5)Wake up
6)Turn into the elementary school parking lot
7)Deliver the little tykes safely to school
What's out of place here? Right! I'd move step 5 up to first place, wouldn't you? That could eliminate steps 3 and 4 altogether and vastly increase the odds that 7 will be accomplished successfully. Good work!
Because there's always one more thing to nag you about, and this time it's drowsy driving. Seriously, you know I hate to pester you but it's my job, so I must. Would you like to hear it form the experts instead? Here you go ...
Now let's get some sleep! Nitey nite! And please, have a happy healthy and safe school year!
Don't you just HATE it when they're right? Especially when we're wrong and are forced to admit it, although we'd rather find a way to pretend they must be mistaken? Would you rather I speak for myself and quit including you, although I suspect many of us are in the same boat? OK. Well I HATE being told to slow down to save money and the planet. So there.
What's this all about? Stupid ridiculous gas prices, that's what. Wandering about Care2 (my personal favorite petition website), I stumbled on this old but still pretty relevant piece on why we should slow down, among other things. And check the air in our tires (yes, I HATE doing that too). They stopped just short of telling us to lose weight, although I could see they were going there. And at least in my case, they're probably right about that too. So now having crabbed more than enough about being blessed with some excellent smarty-pants advice, I will share it with you here:
Thank you, Care2! We appreciate your caring, or at least I do, even when I don't care to follow your advice. But that doesn't mean I won't reluctantly admit that it's for our own good and we ought to. And maybe we will.
So what was I doing wandering about Care2? I was checking on the progress of the National Salubrious Driving Day petition. And I'm sorry to say it wasn't good. In 2008, we had 60 signatures, in 2009-10 there were 28, and so far in 2011: a grand total of 6, including me and only one other American driver. The trend is clearly in the wrong direction. It's my fault, I know; I haven't even mentioned it lately, never mind asked or nagged you about it. But 11/22 will be here before we know it, so if you haven't signed already (and many thanks to all of you who have!) would you do your dear mother who cares about you a big favor and go do it right now, please? Thank you very much! If I could blog you some cookies I would!
Do you think it may be too late for an official federal declaration this year? They do have more important things to think about in Washington, don't they? And honestly I wouldn't feel right about bothering them, as monumental a priority as this might be. On the other hand, Congress does seem to be able to manage critical items like new names for post offices, so we may still have a chance. Why don't we just gather as many signatures as we can and give it a shot? And if it doesn't work out, we can always celebrate on the big day (that's November 22nd) quietly but universally amongst ourselves, eh? Sure we can. It will be fun! And salubrious :-)
Well, technically I guess it would be more accurate to say that Riders on the Road: How to Laugh More and Rage Less with The Rider Methodis a finalist, in Dan Poynter's Global eBook Awards (we're way at the bottom of the page under Travel). Mother is only the humble author. And if Mother Rider, the self-appointed smarty-pants queen of salubrious driving instruction can’t toot her own horn (hahaha), then I would like to know who can. No, don’t tell me, I’m going to do it anyway. Oh sure, I suppose it would make more sense to wait until tomorrow to find out if I'm actually a winner, but where's the fun in that? I'm just happy to appreciate (and brag about) being a Finalist right now. For the second time! Have I mentioned that last year I was a Finalist in the 2010 International Book Awards (Humor), and that in 2009 it was the Readers Favorite Bronze Award (Humor)? Well, I should have.
Hey, this may just be the inspiration I need to get over my long lazy streak, I mean sabbatical, and get back to work pestering and entertaining you all with lectures and stories about our more dangerous and hilarious driving habits.
In fact, thanks to an amazing illustrated email from my friend Tom, I'm prepared to start today, with this crazy true story:
Now THAT'S Drunk!!!!!
THE DEFINITION OF DUI...
Now here's a hard core drinker and one tough Dodge truck.The driver hit and sheared off the light post, and then kept driving about 2 miles to a bar, where he stopped for more beer!
How impaired do you have to be to NOT notice that you are carrying a stop light? (I wonder if the light was green?) The truck was towed about 2.5 miles to the towing yard, with the light still pinched between the tow hooks and the bumper bent around it. It took several good hard pulls with a backhoe to get the pole free.
Now that's what you call drunk driving!
"Life's tough... It's even tougher if you're stupid."
John Wayne
No word on the drunk, who probably still has a headache.
DO NOT DRIVE when you are this drunk. In fact, DO NOT DRIVE when you are drunk at all. Mother's always glad for the opportunity to end with a commandment. Thanks, Tom!
And thank you all for your kind attention. It's great to be back!
Seriously, has it been THAT LONG since Mother nagged you about distracted driving?
Yes, it's hard to believe, I know, but it has been far too long, and I can only imagine how disappointed you must be! Sometimes, when Mother's just too busy to come up with her own smarty pants advice, it's time to call in the professionals, so let's see what the ace Car Talk guys from Boston and NPR have to say about this:
