Want to save money and the planet? Slow down!

Don't you just HATE it when they're right? Especially when we're wrong and are forced to admit it, although we'd rather find a way to pretend they must be mistaken? Would you rather I speak for myself and quit including you, although I suspect many of us are in the same boat? OK. Well I HATE being told to slow down to save money and the planet. So there.

What's this all about? Stupid ridiculous gas prices, that's what. Wandering about Care2 (my personal favorite petition website), I stumbled on this old but still pretty relevant piece on why we should slow down, among other things. And check the air in our tires (yes, I HATE doing that too). They stopped just short of telling us to lose weight, although I could see they were going there. And at least in my case, they're probably right about that too. So now having crabbed more than enough about being blessed with some excellent smarty-pants advice, I will share it with you here:

Gas: Tremendous Amount Wasted by Speeding

Thank you, Care2! We appreciate your caring, or at least I do, even when I don't care to follow your advice. But that doesn't mean I won't reluctantly admit that it's for our own good and we ought to. And maybe we will.

So what was I doing wandering about Care2? I was checking on the progress of the National Salubrious Driving Day petition. And I'm sorry to say it wasn't good. In 2008, we had 60 signatures, in 2009-10 there were 28, and so far in 2011: a grand total of 6, including me and only one other American driver. The trend is clearly in the wrong direction. It's my fault, I know; I haven't even mentioned it lately, never mind asked or nagged you about it. But 11/22 will be here before we know it, so if you haven't signed already (and many thanks to all of you who have!) would you do your dear mother who cares about you a big favor and go do it right now, please? Thank you very much! If I could blog you some cookies I would!

Let there be peace on the road

Do you think it may be too late for an official federal declaration this year? They do have more important things to think about in Washington, don't they? And honestly I wouldn't feel right about bothering them, as monumental a priority as this might be. On the other hand, Congress does seem to be able to manage critical items like new names for post offices, so we may still have a chance. Why don't we just gather as many signatures as we can and give it a shot? And if it doesn't work out, we can always celebrate on the big day (that's November 22nd) quietly but universally amongst ourselves, eh? Sure we can. It will be fun! And salubrious :-)

Hurray! Mother's a Finalist!!

Well, technically I guess it would be more accurate to say that Riders on the Road: How to Laugh More and Rage Less with The Rider Method is a finalist, in Dan Poynter's Global eBook Awards (we're way at the bottom of the page under Travel). Mother is only the humble author. And if Mother Rider, the self-appointed smarty-pants queen of salubrious driving instruction can’t toot her own horn (hahaha), then I would like to know who can. No, don’t tell me, I’m going to do it anyway. Oh sure, I suppose it would make more sense to wait until tomorrow to find out if I'm actually a winner, but where's the fun in that? I'm just happy to appreciate (and brag about) being a Finalist right now. For the second time! Have I mentioned that last year I was a Finalist in the 2010 International Book Awards (Humor), and that in 2009 it was the Readers Favorite Bronze Award (Humor)? Well, I should have.

Hey, this may just be the inspiration I need to get over my long lazy streak, I mean sabbatical, and get back to work pestering and entertaining you all with lectures and stories about our more dangerous and hilarious driving habits.

In fact, thanks to an amazing illustrated email from my friend Tom, I'm prepared to start today, with this crazy true story:

Now THAT'S Drunk!!!!!

THE DEFINITION OF DUI...

Now here's a hard core drinker and one tough Dodge truck.The driver hit and sheared off the light post, and then kept driving about 2 miles to a bar, where he stopped for more beer!

How impaired do you have to be to NOT notice that you are carrying a stop light? (I wonder if the light was green?) The truck was towed about 2.5 miles to the towing yard, with the light still pinched between the tow hooks and the bumper bent around it. It took several good hard pulls with a backhoe to get the pole free.

Now that's what you call drunk driving!

"Life's tough... It's even tougher if you're stupid."

John Wayne

No word on the drunk, who probably still has a headache.

DO NOT DRIVE when you are this drunk. In fact, DO NOT DRIVE when you are drunk at all. Mother's always glad for the opportunity to end with a commandment. Thanks, Tom!

And thank you all for your kind attention. It's great to be back!