Oh sure, you would all listen to Mother's every commandment and do it because I said so. I know that. But still, it never hurts to have video support from your favorite famous TV journalist, right? Right! So I was thrilled and grateful for this perfect scenario that illustrates a generous variety of salubrious driving DOs and DON'Ts. And it's very entertaining. Check it out...
Wasn't that fun? Go ahead, watch it again. I'll wait. I know you're all over it and easily identified every one, but it's my job, so let me just recap those DOs and DON'Ts for you. I mean DON'Ts and DOs.
DON'T change lanes in the Lincoln Tunnel. Those are double yellow lines and this is not Vermont. Or Pennsylvania.
DO wear your helmet. Good boy!
DON'T pop wheelies in traffic. Or DO be careful - it does look like fun.
DO refrain from writing notes while you're driving. Good man!
DON'T use your iPhone for videos or anything else while you're driving. EVER! Do you hear me? This means you! Every one of you. Stop it!! I mean it!!!
DON'T make me tell you again!
DO enjoy the antics of the other drivers in the tunnel, or on the bridge, or wherever.
DON'T get mad at them. Or get even. And whatever you do, DON'T have road rage at them. Or you.
DO use your Rider Method to make up funny stories about them instead, like the jelly beans. How can you be mad at your fellow jelly beans?
DON'T fail to watch the Colbert Report on Comedy Central at 11:30 whenever he isn't on vacation.
DO use your DVR to save it for the following day after the news if you're too old to stay up that late.
DON'T forget what Stephen and I said about the distractions. They are deadly. And we DON'T want you dead.
DON'T believe me? Spend some quality time with this tragic collection of real life stories from D!STRACTION.GOV:
Great distracted driving news for Gram's birthday! Hooray!!!
Hey there, remember me? Yes, it's your long lost Mother R back from an extended holiday sabbatical. Or that's my excuse anyway. And now that the holiday season has been well and fully celebrated, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Martin Luther King Day, Groundhog Day, Lincoln and Washington's birthdays plus mine and Gram's, I guess it's finally about time to get back to work. Especially since there is fantastic news to share, thanks to some exciting news analysis by Matt Richtel in Sunday's New York Times. Are you ready? Here goes! Many drivers are doing their texting in parking spaces rather than on the road! And Mother doesn't mind one bit that it may not have anything to do with taking her advice. You may all be doing it because Oprah said so, or Ray LaHood, or the Car Talk guys, or somebody else altogether - she doesn't care! She is just thrilled that you are doing it, and can't thank you enough. But she will try.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH!
But do you know who isn't thrilled? Yup, the folks who are waiting for your parking spaces. Please do not worry about them. Once they realize you are making every effort to save their lives, they won't be so cranky. In fact, they will be patient and grateful, like you are when the shoe is on the other foot, right? Of course you are! They will catch up soon, bless their little pointed heads. Maybe an assortment of exceptionally creepy PSAs from Bangalore, by way of The Inspiration Room, will help. Let's give it a try...
Too disgusting? I'm sorry! Here's a charming video from the New York Times to cheer you up. It's about a delightful elderly (but not at all infirm!) lady and her old car that looks like new. Enjoy :-)
Isn't she a dear? This nice lady is not my Gram, but she sure reminds me that I still miss her after all these many years.
Mother's belated (but shouldn't be) Back to School safety message
And why shouldn't it? Because school ought not to start before Labor Day. That's why. Any questions? Good, let's move on, beginning with the classics, like behaving prudently around school buses and in school zones and watching out for the kiddos wherever they are. Do NOT hit them! Ever!! If you could use a refresher, check out this list of Back to School Safety tips that was kindly published by the nice folks at AARP.
Are you wondering what back to school safety message would be complete without harping at least a little about NOT texting while driving? NOT this one! And since some other nice folks at BMW have kindly published a charming little video that makes the point much more beautifully than Mother ever could on her limited budget, she will gratefully take advantage of their generosity instead of making her own. Thanks, BMW!
For a nice change of pace, we're picking on the parents here instead of the teens, so as to be crystal clear that NOBODY of any age should be texting while driving. Period. Got it?
Let's finish up with a little driving-to-school safety quiz from Riders on the Road, shall we? Are you ready?
Here's an exercise in practical arrangement of your driving activities. See if you can find the flaw in the following morning routine:
1)Buckle the kids into their seats securely
2)Start the minivan
3)Pull out in front of a nice lady in a red Subaru
4)Wander along in slow motion, crossing the double yellow lines to and fro every now and then
5)Wake up
6)Turn into the elementary school parking lot
7)Deliver the little tykes safely to school
What's out of place here? Right! I'd move step 5 up to first place, wouldn't you? That could eliminate steps 3 and 4 altogether and vastly increase the odds that 7 will be accomplished successfully. Good work!
Because there's always one more thing to nag you about, and this time it's drowsy driving. Seriously, you know I hate to pester you but it's my job, so I must. Would you like to hear it form the experts instead? Here you go ...
Now let's get some sleep! Nitey nite! And please, have a happy healthy and safe school year!
Seriously, has it been THAT LONG since Mother nagged you about distracted driving?
Yes, it's hard to believe, I know, but it has been far too long, and I can only imagine how disappointed you must be! Sometimes, when Mother's just too busy to come up with her own smarty pants advice, it's time to call in the professionals, so let's see what the ace Car Talk guys from Boston and NPR have to say about this:
Honestly, it was not my plan to kick off the new year crabbing about texting and driving. Again. I had every intention of starting out on a cheerier note with a funnier post. But the helpful folks at AT&T had other ideas, and now that they mention it, I can see their point. So it's back to the same old tired topic. You know how to make us stop, don't you? That's right! Stop doing it!! Please???
So we've pledged to Oprah. (We have, haven't we? Did you forget? Well, go on and do it right now. We'll wait. Here's the link: No Phone Zone) And Lord knows Mother's nagged you enough about it over the past year, hasn't she? Don't think so? Check out these examples:
And I suspect I may have missed one or two. So here I was thinking that was plenty enough, when a new Facebook page came along with the depressing message that I was wrong. Some Who out there in Whoville is apparently STILL texting while driving, so AT&T (mindful, no doubt, of its role in this sorry state of affairs) has created one more pledge, and a complete program to go along with it, bless its little pointed head.
So if you know one of those slackers who hasn't got the message yet, would you please, please, please pass the word along? Because Mother's heart has had more than enough breaking over these tragic stories and far too many others. She doesn't want to hear any more of them. Not one! You probably don't either, do you? And just to be be crystal clear: we don't want it to be because they've quit telling us; we want it to be because there are no more tragic stories to tell. So let's thank the poor souls with the really broken hearts who have lived those stories and been kind enough to share. Let's think about the consequences the next time we're tempted to pick up the phone behind the wheel, and don't do it. And let's resolve not to create any more tragedies for any more grieving victims. Not one! OK? Thank you!
Here's the AT&T Facebook page, where you can watch a powerful video, take the pledge and follow links to the full documentary and more resources:
Seriously, please promise Mother, Oprah and AT&T that you will NEVER text and drive so we can put this problem behind us once and for all. And stay tuned for that cheery post I promised you any day now.
Best wishes to everyone for a happy and salubrious 2011!
Summer driving season is here, so be careful out there!
Here are a few things to watch out for:
FROGS! But only in Greece, which leaves most of us in the clear, thank goodness. As if the poor Greeks haven't had enough to worry about lately, millions of frogs forced closure of a road there the other day, due to cars skidding off the road while trying to avoid smooshing the poor little critters. Would you like to see? It's rather creepy, but not actually as bad as I expected.
Here in the US the trouble this week is cancer from your car window. Yikes! According to my favorite magazine, The Week, as reported on LIveScience.com, researchers at St. Louis University have discovered that skin cancer is more common on the left side of our faces. Yup, the one that's getting all the rays from the driver's side window. And you know what that means, don't you? Right. Drivers, get out your sun screen!
But that's not all. Thanks to a bunch of traffic cameras and the kindness of Romans909 who compiled the video and my friend Tom who sent it along, we have a vivid demonstration set to music of how much trouble can be waiting for us if we're not careful around those busy intersections:
Double yikes! You know, I'd have thought that being pretty well known as the law, red lights ought to be obeyed on their own, without the extra help of a commandment, but I can see now that I may have been wildly overoptimistic there. So here you go:
Stop for the *$#%! red lights!
Of course, first you need to see the lights, which brings us back to Mother's most recent obsession (and she's in very good company, I might add), which is PAY ATTENTION! Don't text or chat or read or shave or any of the other bizarre and inappropriate activities that we've been hearing about lately. Just DRIVE! And do it nicely, please. Thank you.
OK, just one more commandment before we go: Have a Happy and Salubrious Memorial Day Weekend!
And last but absolutely not least, let's all remember them always...
Day is done, gone the sun, From the lake, from the hills, from the sky; All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
Not nearly enough, have I? Because somebody out there is still doing it! I want you to stop it right now! And I'm not the only one. Since you don't seem to listen to me, here's a recent plea from a heartbroken Mom that I discovered thanks to a tip from my dear little sister (Thanks, Mary Beth!):
And of course, Oprah hasn't changed her mind, as you can see in this recent New York Times piece:
Dnt Txt N Drv Finally, if you still need to be scared straight, here's a a collection of photos courtesy of my friend Tom (thanks, Tom!).
The label on the email said Her last call was on a cell phone!!! Was it? I don't know, and this report I found at Drive and Stay Alive, Inc. doesn't say, but it could have been and that's good enough for me. And you too, right? Right! Stockholm Motorcycle Fair
Now, come on, don't make me tell you again. Quit texting and phoning while you're driving! And if you will do those two little things for me, then I promise to stop being so crabby in the future. Thank you very much.
